WhatI'veLearned

That awkward moment when………

A follower gets pissed about your post and tries to have an “internet fight” about it. So I unfollow and then I guess they CONTINUE to post about it.

Seriously, go cry about it. I’m over it. And I’m not reading your posts, so you are literally only fighting with your monitor/phone (I’m guessing phone? Because you didn’t see that I unfollowed you…) at this point.


fame-is-n0w-injectable:






Guys, I was just watching the news.
The reporter was mourning the loss of lives, in the recent Connecticut tragedy.
He mentioned, in passing, that one of the students was a bright, happy, child who was looking forward to Christmas.
She asked her parents for a new Harry Potter book.
Please reblog this, to show our respect for our fallen Potterhead.
Hogwarts has welcomed her home.



This made me cry okay

I’m crying. Yup.

the only shooting related post I will be reblogging. my feels.

I think the feels are subsided for the day them BOOM, “Hogwarts has welcomed her home.”
Hogwarts has welcomed her home. 

fame-is-n0w-injectable:

Guys, I was just watching the news.

The reporter was mourning the loss of lives, in the recent Connecticut tragedy.

He mentioned, in passing, that one of the students was a bright, happy, child who was looking forward to Christmas.

She asked her parents for a new Harry Potter book.

Please reblog this, to show our respect for our fallen Potterhead.

Hogwarts has welcomed her home.

This made me cry okay

I’m crying. Yup.

the only shooting related post I will be reblogging. my feels.

I think the feels are subsided for the day them BOOM, “Hogwarts has welcomed her home.”

Hogwarts has welcomed her home. 

(Source: marauders4evr)


Things I don’t get…

You spend all day on the computer telling people to not spent their time watching tv and being on the computer because the “government is bad”. 

Ironic?


We should always carry thanks in our hearts.

This is a lesson that has to be repeated over and over throughout our lives sometimes.

In this past week there’s been so much pain, so much loss and so much hurt. Seems like even more than usual. Families being broken apart. Unexpected deaths of friend’s loved ones, people breaking up and having to start a new chapter of their lives. People you trust with your children betraying that trust and causing babies to be in the hospital.

It makes the small things that we all get upset about through out the day that much more insignificant. I didn’t bury a family member, I can trust my fiance to take care of our child, and be there for me at the end of the day. We just bought a new car, we always have food on the table and we have a warm house. Yes, that car was lovingly used (it’s in wonderful shape) and sometimes that food isn’t the most expensive or elaborate, and we don’t live in a house that is worth very much at all. But we still have these things and we work for them. God has given these things to us.

We both have jobs, our kids don’t go to bed at night fearful of us, or hungry. These are things to be extremely thankful for.

I catch my self sometimes being so negative and so hateful, towards my own loved ones. I get upset about the house not being cleaned properly, I get frustrated with clothes not being put away how I like them to go, because I don’t like being slowed down. I get so frustrated and sometimes I don’t even know WHY.

It’s ignorant of me that it takes seeing hurt four-fold surrounding me before I open my eyes to just how lucky we are as a family and as individuals.  I don’t think that people have better lives than I do exactly, I just get wrapped up in my own life and in my own self that I can’t see through it all.

"God, empty me, of me, so that I can be filled with you…"

Sometimes, through the small set back of daily life, maybe if we just thought about the things we are thankful for, the things God has given us, we can be a littler happier, and a little more loving towards each other.


We are never truly Unique.

And that’s not such a bad thing.

We are made up of every person who was before us. Our tendency to laugh at awkward times. The way we stick out tongue out when we’re thinking really REALLY hard about something. These are all things people have done before us. Whether we know that or not.

My father for instance. I’ve never spent much time that I recall with him in my childhood. My only childhood memory of him is when he built me this play house outside, and a while later when I was running around in the yard and had gotten too tall for it… I knocked my self out on the door frame. He was the first to get to me, and bring me to my mother. I remember waking up to her screaming and furiously upset that this had happened… and terrified of the gigantic goose egg on my forehead. I still have the scar from that day.

My mother and father were not together for very long and when they did get divorced, my mother never received a dime in child support and I never saw my father again until I was almost 23 years old. All that time was spent wondering about him. Curious about every little thing. Not knowing if my odd sense of humor, or the way tap my hands when I’m bored were from him, or just a unique thing I learned. And while I grew up with my mother, we’d had such a strained relationship that I never got to see these things from her. I felt lost in the world. Not quite belonging anywhere, wanting to belong everywhere.

When I finally did have the chance to reunite with my father, I’d just assumed that I was just one big unique, lost, fuck up. And wasn’t expecting to find my self. Just expecting to find my dad.

The first thing I saw was an Obama poster in the entryway of his home. Then he mentioned that even though his hair has been grey for years… It used to be the same color as mine and would glint red in the sunlight just as mine does. -I’d thought for sure that was just from my grandmother, who had bright red hair. So I was destined to always have the Irish come out no matter what color I dyed it.

Then I noticed facial expressions. At least the ones I know I’m making. It was an eerie feeling to feel like you do actually see yourself in someone you do not know.

Then I stopped by my mother’s house after the three hour drive home. And noticed more about her than I’d ever noticed. And her hair glinted too.

From my grand father I have an awkward sense of humor. The goofy kind that sometimes not everyone laughs at. From my grandmother I have an attitude that DEMANDS respect. A can’t take no for an answer what the fuck is that look for kind of attitude. No reason I guess, just blame the red hair. From my mom, I have the tendency to chew my fingers while I watch tv, and even though my mom never reads… I do that while reading a good part of a book too. Everyone says I look just like my aunt Jane, and in some ways, they are right. I’m a little shy and out of place in a crowd, just like my Uncle Ron and my Cousin Ryan are. While in most ways we are opposite, I’ve been through similar life events as my cousin Gary. On many things, we can share and build a little strength off from each other, at least once every few years…

My need to make everything a joke, or at least make things that are heavy feel a little lighter is almost 100% my dad. Though more people understand where his jokes are coming from. I think this pissed my mom off a lot. Though in some ways I wonder if it made the hurt of her loss and watching everything she thought would be go up in smoke a little easier. This is something we’ll probably never discuss.

Everyone before me, is simply just my shadow now. A part of me that I’ll never get rid of, nor would I want to. Could you imagine walking around with out your shadow? I couldn’t imagine not being the person I am today. And I know I’ve got to be so many things from other people, who I don’t even know.

Now that the mystery of my father is gone (or at least lessened) I don’t wonder so much about me, and who I am and where I’m going. My shadow is always trailing behind me.

And maybe that’s what makes me unique.


Things happen for a reason.

When ever I hear someone say, “Everything happens for a reason.” I think about the birth of my son.

It was a difficult pregnancy. I lost about 20 lbs in the first trimester from being sick. It was horrible being so sick every day. When I started to feel a little better, it was about 100 degrees outside… And once it started to cool off, I had extremely high blood pressure and was diagnosed with preclampsia. I was put on bed rest about a month before my son was born. At exactly 9 months, I went in for my weekly appointment, and didn’t get to go back home. Along with my high blood pressure, I was also showing signs of kidney failure. There was a lot of protein in my urine. So for about a week I sat in the hospital until the exact day that I was 37 weeks and they started inducing me.

When I first got to the hospital they did ultra sounds to check that he wasn’t suffering for the preclampsia and to see how his lungs would hold up to being born almost a month before my due date. Everything looked fine.

I laid in bed every day watching Halloween movie marathons and did at least a hundred (it felt) cross word puzzles, like a good girl should. I even drank water all day every day (with the exception of one small sprite with dinner at night, but NO caffeine).

Then induction day came along and things got really interesting. About an hour before they started pitocin to induce labor I started to have mild contractions (if they hadn’t induced I was probably only a week away from actual labor anyway, my son was very determined to come out soon!).  They started pitocin and it only took about three hours before I was in the worst pain of my life. For almost 10 hours I laid in bed and suffered through every single contraction and slept any time in between, until I broke down and opted for the epidural. One hour after that my dialation was checked. Ten centimeters means go time. After 11 hours I only dialated 3 centimeters. Labor could eaisly go at least one more whole day until my son would be born. And the poor baby was more ready than my body because he had his head wedged in this 3 centimeter… opening, if you will. 

The doctor gave me the option of waiting a while longer or to just get a c-section. Now most ladies really want to have that birthing experience, but at that point in the day I was just ready to hold my beautiful son. So I opted for the surgery. One hour later and I was in the operating room waiting to meet my son.

Now, what does the life lesson of everything happening for a reason have to do with all this? Easy.

They went to pull my son out and he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. If I had waited, or if everything had gone quickly in labor, I could have harmed my son. I could have easily killed him. My mom was born this way, and she was black and blue for two weeks and my grandmother was so scared she refused to even hold her. And my fiancee’s mother was born with the cord around her neck and with the loss of oxygen, she became deaf.

Something stopped labor from going the way it was, “supposed,” to go. I can’t be 100% sure if it was just my body knowing something was wrong, or divine interference, but everything went the way it did that day so that by 4 pm I was holding my son for the first time, hearing him scream when nurses lifted him off my chest to give him his first bath, watching my fiancee hold him for the first time, and the proud look on my mom’s face as she saw him for the first time. Everything went the way it did so that my extremely healthy son could sleep in a bassinet between my bed and my fiancee’s cot and all night all we could do was smile at each other and watch our beautiful baby sleep.

I guess I could also call that life lesson, “sometimes things go wrong in order to go right.”

And I wouldn’t change a single thing, because everything was worth it in the end, and 7 months later I have my self a really intelligent, happy, tall, wonderful little monster. Who makes every day complete.


God answers prayers… they just aren’t always what we really WANT answered…

Case in point. A month ago we noticed that we weren’t getting as much hot water as normal. We thought maybe it was a problem with the hot water heater. So two more weeks pass (hey, life gets hectic when you have two kids, go to school and work…) when we finally go to drain the hot water heater. We needed to go down into the basement/crawl space, it’s awkward and dark, to shut off the water pump so that we could drain it completely. We found that a pipe broke and was pouring hot water straight from out heater into the basement. DAMN!

Good thing for Homeowners insurance! And part of me thought about how cool it would be if they told us that it all needed to be ripped out! We might even be able to get a new house!! Gosh, that’d be SOOOOOO cool to have a new house!

So we had to shut off the water and two days later we finally go a hold of our ins company and have them send people out to clean it up and assess any damage. When they get there, we learn that the floor in that section of the house needed to be completely ripped out and replaced. Insurance first said they wouldn’t cover the replacement… Well, PART of my prayer was answered… just not the part I really WANTED answered. After the clean up crew gave pictures of this to the insurance company they finally decided that they would replace the floor, and here we are two weeks later. Basically living with my fiancee’s parents and no water in my house as were have yet to get the pump fixed and I have NO floor in my mud room, if you go to walk in there you would fall into my basement.

So, lesson learned! Sometimes the things we wish for are things that would actually make life more difficult than it already is. Some people wish for money, they think that with the ability to pay off bills or whatever and get what they want that they would be happy. But that’s now always the case, sometimes you have people constantly after you, wanting that money. Some people take it and invest it to hopefully make more money and can end up loosing everything. Some people wish to have someone to love and the person they end up finding uses them, or abuses them and in the end they are still not happy. Even less happy than they were while poor or single. In life, we get what God gives us, and God gives us the best things, we just need to accept them as the best things and take the cues he gives us to make things better.

Don’t get me wrong. Some people do have GREAT prayers that are answered and things end up being what’s best! But sometimes we’re being sent a message when our prayers aren’t answered the way we wished they would be.